the sweet spot

the rain..the thunder...this is very appropriate. The storm outside is a mirror of the one inside me. these mid-west storms...

Grandma died on a Saturday Morning...just 19 days ago and since then I find that the mornings and sometimes VERY early mornings are not good for me.

Wow! That was a loud one!!!! Thunder!!! Something about it...the rain is pounding...the lightening is splitting the sky!!! Power! I have an urge...to run out into it, to face it head on. Maybe, just maybe it could wash this grief away or pound it out of me. but I know, that's not how it works.

my niece is sick. she is 7. the meds aren't helping...no insurance...no money...lots of doctor bills reaching for the heavens. stress. fear. worry. I am surrounded it would seem...by heavy things...by this storm outside...inside. and I have been here...for months.

Awww...but wait, there does appear in the distance...thru the downpour of trials...a glimmer of green. Yes...thru the flashes of light and loud scary noises I can barely make out the word, "exit."

I approach it and as I do I am relieved to discover that this is not the door to death...though that would definitely be one way to "exit." but I've seen death up close several times now and that is not a door I am willing to enter until I must. no...this is different. It's just a sign hanging in mid air...right in the center of the storm. rain water pours over it and drains down it's sides and face yet it stays lit. no matter how hard the storm rages or lightening flashes. it swings only slightly in the strong winds. it is it's own. the storm does not control it or affect it. at closer inspection I see that there is something on the ground beneath it...a rough, flat stone. and there are words, words that are illuminated by the glow of the sign itself. "The Word", it reads. drawn...unexpectedly to position myself beneath this sign...my feet leave the soggy earth and find instant comfort in the strength and stability of the stone. The Word. "In the beginning was The Word..." I close my eyes and remember "The Words" that He has spoken into my life, all my life. While a steady stream of water runs down my face, I remember her, living His Words, all my life. As I stand here to today, drenched through and wrung out...I will remember to "exit" the physical facts to remember the spiritual truths! I will remember to plant my feet firmly on the solid Rock, Jesus Christ who was there in the beginning and will be with me at every ending until He walks me safely into the land of no good-byes. I will find and keep peace...in this spot. Joy WILL come in the mornings again for me and for the ones I love! I will stand here...in the storm...in the heat...in the draught...in the snow and even in the sun. I will stand...I will stand.

well...now that's funny. the storm has lost it's fury...time to get some sleep.

Hello Blackness,

It has been months since I have written anything...I've been busy. Redefining love. I have been walking around it...looking at it from as many sides as I can grasp...and I must admit, I still don't think I've grasped much that is absolutely certain except maybe for this...we were made for it...to love deeply and to be loved. Even my feeble attempts to love well seem to have something to do with the miracles I see happening around me lately. What could be possbile if we got really, really good at it? For now, I am enjoying this unexpected plunge into beauty...this rush of grace and freedom and vunerabillity.