Voices

OK, so...I wonder...where are the voices that inspire, believe and and in their very tone, smile. It's not that I haven't heard ANY of these kinds of voices speak in my life, there are just too few.
I am so overloaded right now...yet still want to dream, dare to do and try things but... I cannot do these things alone...because there is already too much on my plate...but if I was one of a group of dreamers...maybe, things could happen.

Ahhhh, but here I am again, relying on others, waiting for their cue or approval and I am always disappointed.
I know, I know....be the change you want to see. Yes, but all my life I have had to do that. Is it wrong to want to find something to be a part of where you're not the strongest or most motivated one. I'm getting tired of being a lone ranger.

Most of that is my fault though. I am very picky who I hook up with. Truth is...I'd rather be on my own than Aline myself with something false...Truth is, it's easier to deal with yourself than others.

I rant...I rave but in the end I still have myself to blame. Again.
Sorry for the whining...just in one of those moods.

Solitary Revelations

I enjoy the late evening, very early morning. It's peaceful then...now. The only voices I hear are the ones in my head. The only distractions are my own thoughts debating each other. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, God gets a word in. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, clarity comes. Maybe even a little peace. If I'm not so fortunate, something else. Something like receiving or remembering bad news... "you didn't win," "you weren't picked" or..."they aren't coming back."
Truth or the distortion of it seems to know it will find me alone during these hours, alone and quiet. Silently, these longing to be discovered trills of smoke begin to fill the atmosphere in the room like a fog, making it very difficult to ignore their presence. And so it is here, in the dark while most sleep, that I browse calmly through the facts and fictions of my days desiring to discover...

The Truth, or the distortion of it.