The Heart

I think, I shall never truly understand the human heart. The Bible says it is "deceitful" and the only one who can truly "know" it, is God. But still, I try.
Why does the heart love what it loves? Why does it want what it wants? I think that maybe the human heart knows very little of love and more about desire... more about need. It needs to feel valuable...it desires to feel appreciated, special, beautiful, admired, it needs to feel needed. And when these needs start getting met or when it perceives that it has found another heart that could satisfy these desires...it calls it love. But that sounds quite selfish to me and therefore, cannot be love. For love, by definition (the Bible's that is) does not seek it's own.
Do we lavish out affections on others because of (ultimately) what they can satisfy in us? Or are we generous with our hearts because we are compelled to be givers without thought of repayment.
I think that Love, may look like a cheerful, generous sower who owns no land. His only desire is to abundantly sow love wherever he goes. He feels that all ground is worthy of what he plants and he stakes no claims. He doesn't live for harvest time...he lives to plant. But there will be harvest, for as he goes, he pleasantly discovers that there are others like him, (though maybe few) who live for sowing. Live to give. Live to love.
Is it possible, to love without selfish motivation? To love whether or not we are repaid for our actions? Is it possible to be fulfilled, happy...yes, completely happy just to be giving? What about our needs? Our desires? What about what we want? Yeah...what about what I want?
The truth? I want at least one person in the universe to be mesmerized by me, amazed, stunned and overwhelmed with awe when they see me! To hang on my every word and crave my company more than anything or anyone else! How's that for conceited?! But here's more truth...I'm not worthy of that kind of adoration. How's that for a reality check?!
Yet still...I want it. Desire it. Think I need it. Funny, but this is what God wants too. ( I hope I'm not putting words in Your mouth that aren't there Lord :)
Our mistake is that we have looked to human beings to meet our need to feel valuable, important, irreplaceable and necessary to our world. When in reality there is only one who can truly feel this way about us all the time and who can satisfy our every longing. Jesus. And He longs to have us feel this way about Him. When we allow Him to meet our deepest needs to feel valuable and when we let Him know how valuable He is to us through worship, praise and obedience, that is when we are able to love the world without strings attached. That is when we have something to sow...enough love to go around.
My heart is deceitful...but it's true motivation are known to God. "Search me oh God and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."